I haven't been this depressed in years, and I really don't like it.
I am tired of hurting, and I am tired of being hurt. I need to know where on my body is the sign that says "You have my permission to treat me like crap", then once I know where it is, I can rip it off and burn it because I give no one my permission to treat me like crap. Yet it keeps happening, and one of these days I am just going to snap.
My day started off really well, all through work I was happy, and with it, and then I come home. I get on Facebook and one notice catches my eye. My ex boyfriend, who a few weeks ago dumped me in a text message claiming he didn't want a relationship, is now in a relationship with some other girl.
It wasn't that he didn't want a relationship, it was just that he didn't want a relationship with me. Well why in the hell couldn't he just say that. Last time something like this happened to me I hated the guy who did it. I don't hate Matt... I hate myself.
My mirror needs to talk to me, like in Harry Potter, so that maybe I can figure out what is so wrong with me.
Cause this pain needs to stop, and I will do anything to save myself.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
He's Just Not That Into You
I cannot stress how much I hate that phrase. I saw the movie for the second time tonight, and it is so brutally honest that I hate it, and I love it at the same time. That movie is so true in so many ways I think all women should be required to view it just to keep them from doing some stupid shit that women who are dating may do.
We, as women, get told so many different things from so many different people about men, and the kinds of relationships we have with me, and why men do what they do. Our mom's tell us one thing, our best friends another, the gay men we hang out with their own take on straight men, and then some straight men who you have no kind of relationship with will just tell you straight out "He's just not that into you"
Why can't everyone say that? Why can't women be confronted with the truth up front? God forbid the man who a girl is actually going out with tell her that at the end of a date just so she can save some time on that stupid step of waiting for a guys call, hoping that he wants to see her again. Trying to have a relationship in this day and age seems impossible for any women who is not 'what every man dreams of'. Myself I am a women with curves, and a little more weight than I would like, and it seems like the only men I ever come across want some 18inch waisted silicon breasted airheaded bimbo.
That's not me!
This last guy that I went out with, asked me to be his girlfriend, and for about a week things were wonderful. Then, while I was away on a church retreat, in a text message, he tells me he just wants to "date" I come to find out a few days later, through another text, that "dating" to him means being able to do all the physical stuff with me, without having to buy me dinner. I said no thank you because I don't do friends with benefit type relationships because I am the sensetive caring girl who would be hoping for more, and then crushed when it lead to nothing, and a few months later he moved along to the next piece of ass. I couldn't do that I would die.
So again I'm single, one of my friends telling me to post a "personal ad" on craigs list and me thinking 'Am I really that desperate at 20?'. So I said no, and if I still haven't had any sort of meaningful relationship by the end of college then maybe I'll try and find someone that way. But that damn movie, I can't get it out of my head.
That movie made me give up hope on a guy who I was told liked me because according to that movie, if he liked me, and wanted to date me, he would be. Same with another guy, I'll never tell him how much I like him because, if he liked me, he would do something about it.
I am not the exception.....I am the rule.
We, as women, get told so many different things from so many different people about men, and the kinds of relationships we have with me, and why men do what they do. Our mom's tell us one thing, our best friends another, the gay men we hang out with their own take on straight men, and then some straight men who you have no kind of relationship with will just tell you straight out "He's just not that into you"
Why can't everyone say that? Why can't women be confronted with the truth up front? God forbid the man who a girl is actually going out with tell her that at the end of a date just so she can save some time on that stupid step of waiting for a guys call, hoping that he wants to see her again. Trying to have a relationship in this day and age seems impossible for any women who is not 'what every man dreams of'. Myself I am a women with curves, and a little more weight than I would like, and it seems like the only men I ever come across want some 18inch waisted silicon breasted airheaded bimbo.
That's not me!
This last guy that I went out with, asked me to be his girlfriend, and for about a week things were wonderful. Then, while I was away on a church retreat, in a text message, he tells me he just wants to "date" I come to find out a few days later, through another text, that "dating" to him means being able to do all the physical stuff with me, without having to buy me dinner. I said no thank you because I don't do friends with benefit type relationships because I am the sensetive caring girl who would be hoping for more, and then crushed when it lead to nothing, and a few months later he moved along to the next piece of ass. I couldn't do that I would die.
So again I'm single, one of my friends telling me to post a "personal ad" on craigs list and me thinking 'Am I really that desperate at 20?'. So I said no, and if I still haven't had any sort of meaningful relationship by the end of college then maybe I'll try and find someone that way. But that damn movie, I can't get it out of my head.
That movie made me give up hope on a guy who I was told liked me because according to that movie, if he liked me, and wanted to date me, he would be. Same with another guy, I'll never tell him how much I like him because, if he liked me, he would do something about it.
I am not the exception.....I am the rule.